New Beginnings
by pianoem
Summary: She hopes for a new beginning.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

_You breathed infinity into my world  
and time was lost up in a cloud and in a whirl.  
We dug a hole in the cool grey earth and lay there for the night.  
Then you said, "wait for me we'll fly the wind,  
we'll grow old and you'll be stronger without him" but oh,  
now my world is at your feet. I was lost and I was found,  
but I was alive and now I've drowned.  
So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song  
so they can tell me I was wrong..._

"It's too late! You're sorry? You're SORRY?! No. no. You, you drink yourself into a pit every night and come home and expect me to be the loving dutiful wife and when I'm no use you hit me?! No. No more Jack. I'm leaving you. And I mean it this time." Meredith Grey screamed at the man who wasted 3 years of her life.

She was young, just started her internship in Boston when she met a nice guy, Intern just like her. Tall, dark, attractive; he knew all the right things to say. And of course she fell for him, hard and fast. 6 months later, they were married. A year after that he began drinking heavily. She pretended she didn't notice, carried on as if nothing was wrong but 6 months after he started drinking he hit her. He promised he would never do it again, but of course he kept hitting her until one day she just couldn't handle it anymore. She wasn't going to loose what she was, her identity, what she believed in for a guy. For a stupid guy. She had better morals than that.

_But they weren't there beneath your stare,  
and they weren't stripped 'till they were bare of  
any bindings from the world outside that room.  
And they weren't taken by the hand  
and led through fields of naked land  
where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away...  
so I couldn't say "no"._

"Meredith, I'm going to miss you." Claire hugged her friend tightly. "I wish I had known sooner. I mean it's not too late. We can call the police and they will sort him out… you don't have to leave…"

"I know, but I need a fresh start, there are too many memories here. Good ones too. But I think it's best to just start again. Plus his parents are filthy rich and never liked me in the first place. He'll probably make it out that I'm lying and I'll just waste my money on lawyers. It's better if I just leave."

"Okay, but you have my number. As soon as you have a place in Seattle you call me and I'll be there straight away."

"Claire, as much as I'd love you to do that. You have a job. Patients to care for. I can't get you to do that." Meredith smiled at her closest friend she had made in Boston.

_You sighed and I was lost in you, weeks could've past for all I knew.  
You were there blanket of the over-world and so I couldn't say,  
I wouldn't say "no". But they all said, "you're too young to even know,  
just don't let it grow and you'll be stronger without him"  
but oh, now, my world is at your feet. I was lost and I was found,  
but I was alive and now I've drowned.  
So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song  
so they can tell me I was wrong..._

"I will Mer, whenever, just call okay?" Claire smiled and pulled Meredith in for a hug.

"Okay Claire." Meredith shed a tear and squeezed her friend tight. Meredith quickly wiped away the tear before her friend saw.

"I got to catch my flight now. But promise me. Don't tell him where I am. Just say that you had a fight with me and we don't talk. Bad mouth me. Whatever. Because I don't want you to get hurt too" Meredith looked sternly into her friend's eyes.

"Okay Mer, I promise…" Tears ran down Claire's cheeks.

_But they weren't there beneath your stare,  
and they weren't stripped 'till they were bare  
of any bindings from the world outside that room.  
And they weren't taken by the hand and led through fields  
of naked land where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away..._

"Don't cry Claire. It's for the best." Meredith smiled strongly and walked to the gate.

"It's not goodbye, it's just see you later" Meredith yelled from the gate.

Meredith started her new journey, hoping for a new life. Longing for a new beginning.

Claire smiled and watched her best friend get on the plane to a new life in Seattle.

_But they weren't there beneath your stare,  
and they weren't stripped 'till they were bare  
of any bindings from the world outside that room.  
And they weren't taken by the hand and led through fields  
of naked land where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away...  
so I couldn't say "no"._

* * *

**A/N:** Happy reading 


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Forgot to put this in Chapter One. So, I obviously don't own or have anything associated with Grey's Anatomy, don't even own Grey's Anatomy Season Two because it's not out yet tear because if I did, would I be writing this? Seriously? But I do own Season One and I guess I do own Claire and Jack. I don't own any songs either except for the lame ones that I have written too.

**Chapter Two**

Meredith Grey sat on the plane twirling her wedding rings. She had kept her own name after they had got married she wanted to keep her own identity and still be Meredith Grey. She sat twirling her glass of wine as she placed the bands on the tray in front. She stared at them. She had built up a life in Boston and was sad for that to end, at the same time she was glad it was over. No more pretending and lying that she was happy.

"Fuck" She yelled as a passenger knocked her bruised leg.

"Oh sorry, are you okay?" he asked looking concerned. "Let me have a look. I'm a doctor" he looked at her anxiously.

"It's fine really. I was more surprised that's all. Really, I'm fine" Meredith patted the poor man's shoulder.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." Meredith smiled.

"Okay, then. I'm truly sorry." He smiled apologetically and sat back at his seat a few rows behind Meredith.

Her leg really did ache and after that bump. She had been kicked hard the last time Jack hurt her and the knock aggravated it. Meredith turned around to see if anyone was looking and rolled up her pants. Her leg was bruised and swollen all down her thigh and calf. It looked worse than before, but thankfully it wasn't broken.

"Seriously, I didn't hurt it that bad."

The man was back. Meredith froze. _Crap explain THIS to a stranger_

"Yeah, I fell over when I was biking a few days ago." _Lying to my mother all these years has its upside…_

"Let me have a look" He poked and prodded the leg. "You're lucky the bone isn't broken. Just a nasty bruise. You need to look after yourself" he said placing a hand on her shoulder.

She winced as his hand reached her shoulder praying he didn't see that.

"Are you okay?" he asked overly concerned for a stranger.

"Um… yeah, just my leg. But seriously, I'm fine"

"You're not fine; let me see your shoulder."

Meredith sighed; he wasn't going to let it go. He was a good doctor; she could tell by the way he was badgering her.

Meredith slowly pulled her collar open wider so he could see her shoulder.

"You didn't get those bruises from a biking accident did you?" he asked tilting his head to one side.

Meredith nervously bit her lip.

"Look. I don't know you. You don't know me. We're just two strangers on a plane. Seriously there is nothing wrong with me. I'm absolutely fine. Okay." Meredith said is a low, angry whisper.

She sipped her glass of wine aware the man was still kneeling on the ground watching her.

"Yes, we are just two strangers on a plane. But I'm a doctor and if I didn't care about people then I wouldn't be one. You don't have to tell me about what happened but you should get it checked out." he walked back to his seat.

Meredith sighed again. _Seattle better be better than this._

* * *

**A/N:** A bit short, but I'm working on the next chapter as we speak so that might be up soon. Tonight if you're lucky! So Meredith has even more issues here... but you know... there's always a silver lining or whatever not to mention karma... So hoped you liked it!

**FauxPoesFoes- **Thanks. It's going somewhere… I don't know yet. Hoping it will come to me as I write :P Thanks for reviewing.

**Greys has become my life- **Hehe, you put some ideas into my head. Thanks! Thanks for reviewing.

**natzbadfairy**- Updated! I think the same day too?... Thanks for reviewing.

**GreenTeandHoney**- I hope interesting is good… Thanks for reviewing.

**Greyaddict-** Another chapter up! Hope you liked this one too. Thanks for reviewing.

Happy reading.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** I'm just sitting here writing my fic and eating cereal at 2:03am (that's not a typo by the way really AM) and I just thought I'd like to add that UHT milk tastes weird. Okay enough random stuff from me, onto the fic…

* * *

**Chapter Three**

_Six thoughts at once I can't focus on one  
__Seven days a week but my life has just begun  
__So caught in emotion and I'm overcome  
__As I'm falling down I come undone _

Meredith lived in Seattle when she was a kid. Her mother Ellis Grey was a world-renowned surgeon and people that didn't know her thought she got where she was because of her mother's name. But Meredith was a damn good surgeon regardless of her mother's reputation. Her mentor's have said she could even be better than Ellis because she had the one thing Ellis lacked. Compassion.

_Sometimes I feel like I'm alone  
__Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong  
__Sometimes I feel so frail so small  
__Sometimes I feel vulnerable  
__Sometimes I feel a little fragile  
__A little fragile _

Meredith walked into the same house she lived in when she was a kid. Her mother had left it behind in her will. Well she had a left everything to her in her will. Meredith was all Ellis had and Meredith hadn't had the heart to sell her old house. It was the same, just a little dustier. All she wanted to do was sleep now. Finally sleep peacefully without being scared that she was going to get beaten. Meredith had ordered a few items of furniture to be put in her house. She had asked the Chief at her new hospital that she was already close to, to put some new furniture in her house. She didn't even have the energy to go upstairs. She flopped down on the couch and had an undisturbed rest.

_In six thousand years what will this mean  
__Words from the heart or a melody  
__So caught in emotion and I'm overcome  
__As I'm falling down I come undone _

Meredith groaned as the sun hit her face the next morning. She reluctantly pushed herself up adjusting to the new environment. _A fresh start Meredith. This time it's going to be different._ Meredith pulled her heavy suitcase up the flight of stairs into her new room. She walked in the master bedroom, thankful that there was a new bed with her name on it. Slowly, methodically, she unpacked her clothes still had the faint smell of her past life lingering on them.

_Sometimes I feel like I'm alone  
__Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong  
__Sometimes I feel nothing at all  
__Sometimes I feel vulnerable  
__Sometimes I feel a little fragile  
__A little fragile _

_11am, time to see Webber_. Meredith grabbed the keys to her car and headed to Seattle Grace. The last time she walked through those shiny doors was when Ellis was still alive. Meredith spent many late nights there when she was younger. Hell, she even spent many birthdays in that hospital. It was practically her home.

_If people can see right through my eyes  
__Like an open door that I can't disguise  
__I won't be afraid from the tears I cry  
__I'll not run I'll not hide this is how I feel inside  
__A little fragile  
__A little fragile _

"Meredith Grey. Well you sure have grown up" Chief Webber gave Meredith a hug and gestured for her to sit.

"It's been a while" Meredith smiled politely. The chief had the most male influence on her life. She was at the hospital, so was he. He always made an effort to be nice to her and Meredith was grateful for that.

"Now you start your first shift tomorrow. Resident now I see. Specialising in Neurosurgery. You'll meet the head of neurosurgery tomorrow. Hasn't been at Seattle Grace long but he's the best."

"Great. I'll see you tomorrow then." Meredith replied with a faux grin plastered on her face.

She just hoped that she could start over.

_Sometimes I feel like I'm alone  
__Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong  
__Sometimes I feel so frail so small  
__Sometimes I feel vulnerable  
__Sometimes I feel a little fragile_

* * *

**A/N:** Not much dialogue in this chapter. More just background into Meredith's life. Ellis has already passed on (euphemism!) here. Of course Mer is dark and twisty! 

Hope you liked it. Hopefully have more written soon. Oh and extra points for those who can figure out the songs :P.

**chocolatetree**- I am committed to writing my fics now. Now that it is the holidays. Yay. Hope you have a super Xmas too! You know that I can't reveal who the stranger is, that just wouldn't be fun BUT there is a bit of foreshadowing in the last chapter. Thanks for the review!

**Lizzie9- **I'm honoured that you like my fic! I LOVE your fics. The MerDer… ::melts thinking about it:: is super. Ah, I thought about making it Mark just before I read that. Put a bit of spice into the fic… And we'll see. Heroic Derek is sexy, but any Derek is sexy in my books. Thanks for reviewing.

**Greys has become my life**- Derek can be my knight in shining armour… sighs and swoons Glad you're liking the fic :) Thanks for reviewing.

Happy reading.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Meredith stood outside in the carpark of Seattle Grace, cup of coffee in her hand looking at the new chapter in her life. She pulled her coat a little closer as the sharp morning breeze touched her opaque skin. _It's now or never._

Walking into those doors again she was reminded of her childhood. The times her mother wasn't there. Somehow she understood now that her mother was a surgeon. But there was that inner child in her that couldn't let it go.

Meredith let out a breath she didn't realise she was holding and walked up to the nurse's station waiting for someone that would show her around.

"Are you Meredith Grey?"

Meredith turned around and saw a chirpy, blonde with charts in her arm.

"Yes." Meredith smiled politely.

"Ah, great. I'm Isobel Stevens, but everyone just calls me Izzie" she fumbled her charts around so she could shake Meredith's hand.

"Let me give you a hand with those…" Meredith took a few charts out of Izzie's hands.

"Thanks. So I'm going to show you around the hospital, then drop you off to the head of neurosurgery to have a chat. I must say he's quite a good-looking one. We call him McDreamy around here."

"Oh. Um. That's nice…" Meredith replied awkwardly.

"So yeah ORs round here, on-call rooms round here, cafeteria downstairs…" Izzie pointed round room "And here we are. Dr. Shepherd's office. Good Luck. Come join me for lunch with my friends."

"Thanks." Meredith handed the charts back to Izzie and watched her scurry away.

She knocked lightly on the door while simultaneously trying to rub away the invisible wrinkles in her pants.

"Come in." a male voice said.

"Hello. I'm Meredith Grey." She said walking up to the desk as the man was writing notes.

"Ah yes, Dr. Grey. I've been expecting you. I'm Dr. Derek Shep-" he looked up, breath caught in his throat. "-herd" he said extending a hand.

The colour drained from her face as she shook his hand. _Shit. It was the man on the plane. Pretend like you don't remember._

"Please take a seat" Derek said. _Girl on the plane…_

"Thank you." Meredith nervously fidgeted with her top but plastered a fake, confident exterior. This was her new start and this Derek Shepherd, he couldn't ruin it.

* * *

"Thank you Dr. Grey. It's been a pleasure meeting you and I look forward to working with you." Derek extended his hand again after he had asked the necessary questions.

"Likewise" Meredith almost wanted to bolt out of the room. She turned to leave the room, feeling suddenly exhausted. Lying was tiring.

"Meredith…" Meredith closed her eyes as he heard his soft voice utter her name.

"Please. I don't want to talk about it." she answered with her back towards him again. She didn't wait for his answer and left the room, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

Derek watched Meredith walk out of his office. She obviously had issues, but something drew her to him.

* * *

**A/N:** Soooo, she met him. Ah, I just thought of something for the fic that made me happy, but however it won't come until much later. What did we think? Her past just won't go away it seems, maybe Derek can make her forget about it all… if you get what I mean… hehe.

Oh god… My friend said she was talking about my love life to this guy which there was a slight thing between us… phew… its okay… not too embarrassing. AHAHAHA I also just compared something in my friend's relationship to "Addison and Mark".

Brilliant quote from me: "Boys are stupid. They think with their penises not their brains."

So anyone guess the songs? You get some liquorice if you do! It's green apple flavoured!

* * *

**FauxPoesFoes- **She did meet Derek today… The tension was intense and thick there, so thick you could cut it with a knife. (meh, not so flash with the analogies) Thanks for reviewing.

**Lizzie9**- Seriously though. Love your fics. They're awesome. Mark… has a freaking hot body… ::drools:: To be quite honest… it's hotter than Derek's… can't believe I said that! Wash my mouth out with soap! But I agree… MerDer… and plus Derek has that quality about him which makes him more than just about looks… Thanks for reviewing, makes my day :)

**GreenTeandHoney- **Yay for hooked readers! Hope it's still interesting! I'm trying to throw in some twists and turns, so I have to make it creative… Thanks for reviewing.

* * *

My A/N seem to be longer than the fic itself. I'm writing more as we speak/ I write! Not to fret. Stay tuned guys!

Happy reading guys. Flick us a review. Will make my day :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

_Take a lesson from this heart  
__As it was broken  
__And I know you're torn apart  
__With what was spoken  
__But only if you could see  
__What is clear and dear to me  
__Take a lesson from this heart_

Meredith walked into the cafeteria with her lunch. It was like her first day at high school again. She looked around at all the unfamiliar faces, wondering what all their stories were. Were they as dark and twisty as her? _Doubt it_, she thought _no one could be as dark and twisty as her._

"Hey, hey Meredith. Over here!"

Meredith looked over to see who was calling her name. Izzie Stevens. Meredith decided she liked her. She walked over to the table and stood there not knowing whether to sit down or not.

"Hey Meredith" Izzie smiled broadly at her.

Meredith was met by another 3 pairs of eyes and a few mumbles of hi.

"Sit, sit" Izzie instructed.

_One left standing is the  
__One left stranded is the  
__One left crying in the dark  
__And now it's clear to me  
__Just like this night can be  
__We sell ourselves so short  
__Until we let it go_

"Oh… I don't want to intrude. I'll just find a seat somewhere else…"

"No don't be silly take a seat and I'll introduce you to everyone."

Meredith reluctantly took a seat and everyone else smiled civilly and sympathetically.

"George O'Malley" Izzie pointed at the boy-ish man who shyly smiled and continued to eat his food.

"Cristina Yang." Cristina gave a some-what sarcastic smile.

"Alex Karev" He raised one hand to acknowledge Meredith's presence.

_Take a lesson from this heart  
__As it was broken  
__And I know you're torn apart  
__So from one friend to a friend  
__Hearts break, they blend they mend  
__Take a lesson from this heart_

"Evil Spawn" Cristina mumbled trying to disguise it as a cough.

"Everyone, this is Meredith Grey."

Meredith smiled again and felt like she was intruding.

"So, what's your story?" Alex asked with a cocky grin on his face.

"Don't have a story…" Meredith replied pushing her salad around the plate.

"Everyone has a story." Cristina mumbled mouth full of pasta.

_One left standing is the  
__One left stranded is the  
__One left crying in the dark  
__And now it's clear to me  
__Just like this night can be  
__Well sell ourselves so short  
__Until we let it go_

"Nope… not me" Meredith shook her head.

"That's okay. You don't have to tell us anything." George said. The only sincere comment she had heard from the group of people.

"Thanks George, well I better run. Patients to check on and stuff… nice meeting you all." Meredith started to walk out of the cafeteria. _Well that went well…_

"Meredith, wait up." Izzie ran to catch up with her. "Don't take it personally. George is a shy person. Cristina is stubborn and Alex is pig-headed. They do like you seriously. It'll just take a while for them to open up."

"Thanks Izzie."

_So let it, let it go_

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry short chapter. Seemed appropriate to end it here but it was mainly a filler to introduce Izzie, Alex, Cristina. They more or less don't accept Meredith because well she has the name Grey and she's just suddenly popped up at Seattle Grace. More to come later. Will tell you songs next chapter if no one wants to figure them out. 

**FauxPoesFoes**- Cheers for the PM because the review thing didn't work. Really appreciate knowing what you think about the story! I have a feeling that Derek isn't going to let it go…

**GreenTeandHoney**- Yay. Still interesting! Thanks for the review!

**natzbadfairy**- Thanks. You always read and review my fics. I'm very grateful. Thanks for reviewing!

**Greys has become my life**- Ahh sorry to disappoint you. No MerDer in this chapter. Haven't written next chapter yet. But will do soon! Thanks for reviewing!

Happy Reading. Flick us a review.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Meredith Grey had finished her first shift at her new job at Seattle Grace Hospital. She forgot how exhausting a new job was. She slumped down her locker feeling the cool metal pressing against her back. She rubbed her tired eyes and sighed. Her first day at the new hospital was almost like her first day as an intern. Except this time she didn't meet Jack. Her eyelids felt heavy and she closed them, just for one minute then she would head home.

"Meredith, what are doing here? You're shift must have ended at least an hour ago?"

Meredith bolted up when George shook her gently.

"I must've dozed off…" she mumbled rubbing her eyes.

"When's your next shift?" George asked nicely, helping her off the ground.

"Tomorrow, I'm on call so not in until later in the afternoon. Still got to get used to this place." She smiled gratefully at him.

"You should head home then."

"Yeah. Thanks. When are you off?"

"Few hours… did you want to, I mean the others, Cristina, Alex, Izzie will be there… but did you want to get a drink with us? After our shifts finish in a few hours?" George rambled on looking flustered.

"I'd like that. Where?" Meredith gathered up her things and felt very welcomed by George. He befriended her when she needed it most and she was eternally thankful. To Izzie as well. She made a mental note that in the future, she would repay them.

"Joe's bar; Emerald City Bar; across the road." George's pager let out a shrill beep.

"I got to…"

"Go save a life? Yeah. I'll see you soon" Meredith chuckled and watched him leave the room.

* * *

Meredith walked into the bar feeling oddly nervous. She sat down at bar waiting calmly for the other residents to come. 

"You're new around here?" Joe the bartender asked

"Yeah, just moved from Boston." Meredith smiled picking at the coaster placed in front of her.

"Oh yeah? Working across the street?"

"How did you know?"

"I can tell. I have a sixth sense for these sorts of things?" Joe winked at her and laughed.

Meredith laughed and felt her phone vibrate in her bag. She pulled it out and looked at the caller display. _Jack_. She rejected the call and sighed. Shaking her head slightly.

"Boy troubles?" Joe asked curiously, drying off some glasses.

"Yeah something like that. Can I get some tequila? And lots of it."

"Coming right up." Joe placed a shot glass of tequila in front of her and she downed it straight in one go.

"Impressive. But you're going to be sorry in the morning"

"My choice of poison and I'm always sorry in the morning, but seriously. I need a drink so keep them coming." Meredith smiled.

The bell attached the door jingled and in walked Cristina Yang.

"Meredith Grey. Tequila. Nice" She said taking a seat beside her.

"Tough day huh? Beer thanks Joe" Cristina asked signalling to Joe.

"Something like that…" Meredith muttered downing another shot.

"So what's your story then? Going to share now?" Cristina asked

"Nope. What's yours then?" Meredith asked downing yet another shot.

"Ha! No story to tell here." Cristina answered smiling wickedly.

"Well okay then."

"Okay then."

The bell tinkled again and in walked George, Izzie and Alex.

"Hey guys" Izzie said chirpily.

"How can you be this upbeat after a 12 hour shift at the hospital?" Cristina asked, her faced twisted in disgust.

Meredith laughed and signalled for more tequila from Joe.

Izzie shrugged Cristina's comment off and turned to Meredith.

"How was your first day?" she asked eating the nuts located in front of her.

"Yep. Great" Meredith downed another shot.

"That great huh?" Alex commented sipping on a beer.

"No, it was fine. Seriously."

"I'm off. Need sleepy unlike Barbie here." Cristina threw some money on the bar and left.

"Is she always this… happy…?" Meredith asked laughing

"Yeah… that's Cristina" George answered sitting on the seat previously occupied by Cristina.

"I liked her." Meredith said thoughtfully fingering the empty shot glasses laid in front of her.

"You've had a lot… a lot… of tequila Meredith…" George said looking puzzled.

"Very observant there Sherlock…"

"Right… gimme one." George downed a shot of tequila and chocked,

"Strong stuff bambi" Alex laughed. "Maybe you should head home now?"

"Not heading home to my mother… She irons my scrubs… I got to get out of there." George mumbled into his beer.

"I have a few rooms spare at my place…" Meredith said hiccuping slightly.

"Seriously?" Izzie asked grinning madly.

"Suuuurree, the more the merrier" Meredith downed another shot.

"Kay… I'm going home. Call me a cab Joe?" Meredith stumbled out of the bar waving a goodbye to the others.

"That one is trouble… Hot though" Alex muttered watching her leave the bar.

"Yeah." George agreed, while Izzie rolled her eyes.

* * *

Meredith swayed gently on the footpath waiting for her cab. Her phone buzzed again. _Jack._

"Fuck why don't you fucking leave me alone" she yelled throwing her phone at the road.

"You're going to need a new phone now." a husky voice said behind her.

"Didn't need a phone anyway… where are my keys? This taxi is taking way too long…" Meredith muttered searching through her bag.

"Ohhh no you don't. Do you have a death wish?" Derek grabbed the bag from her.

"You're no fun." Meredith pouted.

The rain started drizzling slightly and Meredith raised her head up in the sky, savouring the cool, wet water dribbling down her face. She laughed and danced around.

"Come on Dr. Shepherd. Dance with me" she said laughed like a child.

Derek chuckled _She is sooo wasted_ he thought noticing actually how beautiful she was when she smiled and how the light from the streetlamp illuminated her features.

Meredith grabbed his hand and made him dance with her in the rain.

* * *

**A/N:** Long chapter! Longest I've written for this fic!!! This chapter was to show how the rest of the gang is warming up to Meredith, because I really want them to be friends hehe. 

**Songs:** **Chapter One**: "They Weren't There" Missy Higgins  
** Chapter Three:** "Fragile" Delta Goodrem  
**Chapter Five:** " One Left Standing" Elemeno P

Check them out, they're pretty good.

**tayababy**- That issue about Derek and Addison will be revealed next chapter! Thanks for reviewing!

**chocolatetree**- Yay! I got your email… hope you got mine before my internet went all stupid… I guess time will tell… Thanks for reviewing!

**GreenTeandHoney**- Yes I agree with the Meredith/George… that was wrong, but I guess it shows how damaged Meredith was and still is. I'm still deciding on Callie in this story and I think she's okay, I don't discriminate her because of her size that's for sure! I guess I admire Addison, but I think she should have let Derek go. I'm a serious MerDer fan. Like HARDCORE! I like long reviews!!! Thanks for reviewing!

**natzbadfairy**- Updated now! And writing more… I wrote lots because my internet went down… stupid internet… Thanks for reviewing!

**greyrocks**- Cheers! Thanks for reviewing!

**FauxPoesFoes**- I want Cristina to be her person. I love how sarcastic she is! Ahhh I almost gave away what's in next chapter because I forgot I hadn't posted up this one yet!!! Thanks for reviewing!


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

_I heard there was a secret chord  
That David played and it pleased the Lord  
But you don't really care for music, do you?  
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall, the major lift, the baffled king composing Hallelujah _

Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah

Meredith woke up head pounding. She groaned and rolled over.

"Shit. What are you doing here?" she yelled when she saw Derek Shepherd sitting on the chair watching her sleep.

He chuckled. "I guess you don't remember last night then?"

"We didn't…" Meredith whimpered

"No, no. You had a lot to drink… so I took you home. I stayed because well your car is at the hospital and you probably wouldn't have any way to get there today."

"Oh. Thanks." Meredith painfully sat up and sighed.

"Here. Take this" Derek handed her two painkillers and a glass of water.

_Your faith was strong but you needed proof, you saw her bathing on the roof, her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you  
She tied you to a kitchen chair, she broke your throne, she cut your hair, and from your lips she drew the Hallelujah _

Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah

"Thank you" Meredith whispered taking the pills.

"I'm not due in til this afternoon. You can go home… I'll be fine." Meredith said smiling politely.

"I could. The thing is. I don't want to." sitting back down in the chair.

"Oh." Meredith blushed

"Did you want to talk about the bruises?"

"Boy, you really get straight to the point don't you? Where is my cell phone?" Meredith asked searching in her bag.

"You sort of threw it out on the road last night." Derek replied smiling cheekily

_Maybe I have been here before, I know this room; I have walked this floor, I used to live alone before I knew you  
I've seen your flag on the marble arch, love is not a victory march, it's a cold and its a broken Hallelujah _

Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah

"Seriously?" Meredith asked in disbelief.

"Yes. Seriously" Derek nodded.

"Great…" Meredith flopped back down on her bed.

"So?" Derek asked. "I'm really not going to leave until you tell me."

"Why do you care so much anyway?" Meredith threw her hands up in frustration.

"You don't know me."

_He's really quite cute… If things were different maybe…_ she thought.

"I know you like tequila." Derek grinned cocking his head.

_There was a time you let me know what's really going on below, but now you never show it to me, do you?  
Remember when I moved in you; the holy dark was moving too, and every breath we drew was Hallelujah _

Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah

Meredith laughed regretting that action as that pounding headache reminded her of that love for tequila.

"What's your story then?" Meredith asked patting the other side of her bed to signal he could sit by her.

Derek walked over and sat on the other side of her bed while she was still lying there facing the ceiling.

"My story… "Derek sighed.

"I'll tell if you do…" Meredith smiled turning to face him.

"Alright. I left New York, when I found my wife in bed with my best friend."

_Maybe there's a God above, and all I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you  
And its not a cry you can hear at night, its not somebody who's seen the light, its a cold and its a broken Hallelujah _

Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah

"Ouch…"

"Yeah ouch… Course I've filed for divorce. Your turn."

"I left Boston because my husband was beating me." Meredith shrugged and sat up next to Derek.

"Oh." Derek replied looking up at Meredith who was staring straight ahead.

"You know. I thought he was the one. I thought he would take care of me for the rest of our lives. I guess I was wrong." Meredith looked into Derek's caring eyes. Locking for one moment. She broke the trance knowing that she couldn't fall for her boss or let herself get hurt again.

_Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah_

* * *

**A/N:** Well here's another chapter. I must say this fic is going a lot better than "Need Some Time" and "Untitled". A lot more ideas. So yep... that's it... I have some other comments in the personalised reviews about this fic. Ideas etc.

Oh... check out "Deciphering Me" by Brooke Fraser (a song). No more chapters til I get 1 review from 1 person about the song!!! It's amazing! Seriously!

**FauxPoesFoes-** Ahh well I was going to have Meredith and Derek sleep together… but then I didn't :P I thought it was important to establish a friendship based on trust. Also Meredith is going to be guarded with her feelings because of what happened with Jack. I must say, it's one of the better chapters. My friend is the most sarcastic person every, it's really funny! Thanks for reviewing!

**natzbadfairy- **I had this written last night. Just holding out for reviews… What can I say, I'm a review whore! Thanks for reviewing!

**aleksa grey-** Thanks!!! Well with Jack, I had plans for him next chapter. But they have changed. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with him yet, but keep in mind. Meredith isn't divorced yet. Thanks for reviewing!

**tayababy- **Ahhh because we know that drinking takes away all our pain… Thanks for reviewing!

**chocolatetree- **I got the emails! But you didn't get my long one which sucks… stupid internet… yes bright and shiny… I just smilies a bit too:) :P! XD! I am having a boring holiday… sitting on my ass doing nothing. But I'm going to a bbq tonight, should be fun! Thanks for reviewing!


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

::ding dong::

"Expecting company?" Derek asked as they had moved to the kitchen for lunch.

"Not that I know of…" Meredith shot Derek a puzzled look and went to the front door.

"Hello!" Izzie said walking in with a few suitcases.

"What are you doing?..." Meredith asked letting way for George and Izzie to come in, both armed with suitcases.

"Moving in of course!" Izzie replied cheerily.

"What. I never agreed to this!" Meredith replied in shock.

"You did. Last night… at Joes" George said almost afraid of Meredith.

"When I was drunk? Oh god…" Meredith sat back down at the dining table and cupped her head.

"You alright Meredith? I mean if this is a bad time, we can come back later" George asked looking for help from Izzie.

"No it's fine. You guys can choose your rooms. Mine is the master bedroom so stay away." Meredith said rather exasperatedly.

Derek chuckled drinking his coffee.

"Shut up" Meredith replied hitting his arm.

"Are you okay with this?" Derek asked

"I guess I'll have to be. Besides Izzie and George have befriended me, no questions asked. Alex and Cristina… I like them a lot but I feel like they resent me" Meredith smiled weakly.

"I'm your friend. Can I move in?" Derek asked raising his eyebrow suggestively

"Shut up" Meredith laughed throwing a banana at him.

"Shit." Meredith's face turned to horror as she realised what George and Izzie must have just witnessed. McDreamy; her boss; sitting in her kitchen drinking coffee.

"Meredith?" Derek lightly questioned

"Shit. Izzie and George just saw you; in my kitchen; having coffee with me. What are they going to think?" Meredith frantically began pacing the kitchen.

"You have to go. Now." Meredith eyes widened

"Relax Meredith. I'm just a friend nothing happened, we're just having coffee." Derek said calming her down.

"Sure right. Sorry. I just don't want them to get the wrong idea. They probably already resent me because of my last name…" Meredith smiled apologetically at Derek. "But just to be on the safe side. Do you mind um…?"

"Leaving?" Derek finished her sentence while Meredith looked at him sheepishly.

"Yeah; sorry." Meredith mumbled cheeks flushing red.

"No worries." Derek smiled and walked to the front door with Meredith close behind.

"Thanks Derek. Thanks for last night, it really means a lot." Meredith leaned against the front door and smiled tiredly at him.

"Anytime Meredith. I'll see you at work."

"At work" Meredith agreed nodding.

Derek walked to his car flashing Meredith a smile as he drove away.

Meredith sighed deeply. She didn't know what she had done. When she thought things couldn't get any worse, living with her huge secret was even worse. But she couldn't tell anyone and she trusted Derek not to either.

* * *

**A/N:** I updated! Sorry taken me a few days. I was reading fics rather than updating… I really have no life. Holidays bore me. Do you guys know of any songs which maybe go well here? I'm open to suggestions. Sorry it's short, but I'm writing more now. Just when my muse comes back it will be better...

Wow, it's supposed to be Summer and it's pissing down with rain here. Yuck.

**natzbadfairy**- I think it's different from my other two fics and it's my baby story hehe. So I like it too! Thanks for the review.

**GreenTeandHoney**- I'm tired too and I'm on holiday! So I sleep for like forever! But it has been nice PMing you! Thanks for the review.

**FauxPoesFoes**- "There will be no sex!" Well there may be. But no explicit details, I can't write like that! Yeah I think Meredith and Derek needed to create trust between them. hehe. Thanks for the review.

**chocolatetree**- Hey again Sophie. Deciphering me rocks! I was singing along to Hero before as well! I need a job. The bbq was kind of lame… but that's alright. The concert on the Sunday was awesome! They both need to get a divorce… or do they?... Anyways, I said this on the other fic. Email me back on our new fic. I like how it's turning out so far. hehe. Thanks for the review.

**offrhoads-** You can buy it legally off itunes? I'm not sure really, or illegally off limewire… but I didn't say that… It's a great song. And I updated… eventually… Was reading fics more than writing my own… Thanks for the review!

**Twilight and Silence**- Yeah this chapter where Izzie and George came… it was going to be Jack hehe. But I wanted to establish a friendship between the interns. Thanks for the review.

**aquamaureen-** Did you listen to the song?! Did you like it?! Thanks for the review.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

_What's this life anyway?  
What's it to you and me?  
What's it to anyone?  
Who are we supposed to be?  
Make me a storybook  
Write me away from here  
I need a different now_

Meredith sat sipping her coffee, taking time to think before her shift started. What did it all mean? Derek wasn't like other men. He didn't try to sleep with her last night, he just looked after her and then he poured his soul to her as she did to him. What did it mean? There was no way she could be in a relationship with him. She was still married for god's sake. She could only be friends with him and she knew that they could be friends because she trusted him. Meredith picked up the phone and punched in some numbers. She listened to the ring of the phone waiting for the person on the end to pick up.

"Hello?" she said sleepily.

"Hey Claire. It's me." Meredith said.

_Where we can wear each other for awhile  
I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow a smile  
I'll get through tomorrow somehow today  
Happy After...  
_

"Mer? Are you alright? I've been worried you haven't been answering your cell" her friend fretfully asked.

Meredith smiled into the phone. Claire was always looking out for her. She had said Jack was nothing but trouble. Meredith should have listened to her.

"I'm fine. I just had an incident that involved tequila and Jack."

_Once upon these days_

"Oh. Say no more. How have you been?" Meredith paced around her kitchen quietly. She could never stay still when she was on the phone. It was a habit that annoyed Jack a lot. Some days it annoyed him too much.

"I'm good. It's different here. But I feel safe. It's my mom's home, so it's not really home. But it's home…" Meredith rambled on.

Meredith heard her friend's signature chuckle and could imagine her shaking her head.

_There's four roads to anywhere  
Four ways to everything  
We were unbreakable  
We spoke our destiny  
Let's take a moment out  
Go were we never go  
Let's make a new world now  
_

"Has Jack been giving you any trouble?" Meredith asked anxiously.

Claire sighed. "Nothing I can't handle. I miss you Mer."

"I miss you too Claire. I have to go now. I have to go work soon. Take care and don't tell him I'm here. Please." Meredith pleaded, Claire was strong. She could handle Jack, but Meredith couldn't. While Meredith didn't normally let on she wasn't that strong, Claire was the only person she was completely herself to. Claire didn't judge her for anything. Claire was just there for her. Cristina actually reminded her of Claire except Claire wasn't nearly as sarcastic.

"Of course not. Don't worry Mer. You just take care and call me soon."

_Where we can wear each other for awhile  
I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow your smile  
We'll get through tomorrow somehow today  
Happy After..._

Meredith hung up the phone and ran her fingers through her hair. She ran up to take a shower remembering she better take one in her ensuite now that she had roommates.

She tiptoed across Izzie and George's rooms while they were in there unpacking furiously. She hoped it would work out.

"George?" Izzie whispered at George's door.

George opened the door standing amongst boxes.

"What? Why are you whispering?"

_Once upon these days_

"Because… did you see who was downstairs? With Meredith?" Izzie looked bewildered.

"Her boyfriend? I don't know. I wasn't paying much attention." George replied in a rather loud voice.

"Shhh, keep your voice down. I think I heard the shower stop." Izzie whacked his arm.

"Ow. Fine, who was it then?" George gave Izzie a harsh glare and whispered back to him.

"No. It was Derek Shepherd!" Izzie said in an excited whisper.

_Then one day we'll find  
when we're looking back at this time  
Wondering how we've come so far from this  
When we close our eyes_

_  
_"You mean like, Dr. Shepherd? From the hospital?"

"Do you know any other Derek Shepherds?" Izzie rolled her eyes.

"Um. No?"

"I wonder what he was doing here…" Izzie leaned against the doorway thinking.

"Izzie, we don't know why he was here. We shouldn't jump to conclusions or anything. He was probably just checking up on her because she's specialising on neurosurgery."

_What's this life anyway  
What's it to you and me  
What are we doing here  
Who are we supposed to be  
I'll take a better world  
I'll take anything  
I'll take our little world now_

"Whatever. Men only want one thing when they come round to people's houses." Izzie raised her eyebrow.

They turned when they heard the doorknob rattle and Izzie dashed to her room before Meredith came out.

"Hey George." Meredith casually said as she walked down the stairs.

"Did you see that?" Izzie whispered

_Where we can wear each other for awhile  
I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow your smile  
We'll get through tomorrow somehow today  
Happy After..._

"Um. She said Hi to me?" George looked completely confused.

"I think she's hiding something" Izzie replied before going back into her room to unpack some more.

George rolled his eyes.

_Once upon these days_

* * *

**A/N: **Too tired to write a proper A/N. ::everyone cheers:: Running low on chocolate buttons people. Need some STAT!

**FauxPoesFoes**- Ah thank you dearly. Izzie is a different character… She's cheerful and optimistic, but such a gossip! Thanks for reviewing.

**chocolatetree**- Throwing bananas? Is that a metaphor? I totally can't remember the email you sent me, but do you know this song? Thanks for reviewing.

**natzbadfairy**- Updated. Not so soon I think, but it's an update nevertheless. Thanks for reviewing.

**Twilight and Silence**- Party at Meredith's!!! I wasn't actually going to write about Izzie and George seeing Derek. I was going to just make them so excited they didn't notice him. But yep… Thanks for reviewing.

**tayababy**- I live in New Zealand. It's so cold here. It's not even a white Christmas. It's a wet, gross, cold Christmas :(. My mum took the heater into the kitchen so my room is freezing now too. Damn NZ weather! Oh yeah Australia had some dry thunderstorms and bad bush fires recently too ay?

Hmmm Miss you… seems like a good choice but I don't see it fitting in unless Meredith and Derek get together in my fic then break up and want each other…

Thanks for reviewing.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

_Shit. My car is still at the hospital._ Meredith groaned.

"Need a lift?"

Meredith jumped as she heard the strangely familiar voice behind her.

"What are you doing here?" Meredith hissed looking up the stairs to see if her roommates heard.

"Well I remembered you need a lift to the hospital is that correct?" Derek grinned, leaning against the door.

"I could have asked Izzie or George to take me. You didn't need to come. They could come down any minute." Meredith whispered while quickly gathering her things.

"Relax. I'm just a friend looking out for another friend. Unless there's something you want to tell me?" Derek hinted inching closer to Meredith.

"Right. Just friends." Meredith nodded her head pushing him out the door.

Meredith took a quick look behind her but didn't see George staring out the window as they drove out of the driveway.

* * *

George paced around his new bedroom trying to get his head around what he just witnessed. 

Meredith getting into Derek Shepherd's car. Meredith and Derek Shepherd leaving in Derek Shepherd's car.

"What's wrong with you?" Izzie mumbled into her coffee while leaning against the doorframe.

"Nothing… I mean… if Meredith was in a relationship. Hypothetically. Do you think she would say something?" George rubbed his eyes a little hoping he was seeing things.

"Well I guess so. I mean unless she's hiding something…" Izzie moved a little closer to George, curious about what he had found out.

"I mean, we've just met Meredith. Haven't we? But then we're in her house." George lay down on the bed staring at the ceiling.

Izzie silently lay next to him looking at the flaky, white ceiling that George was so intently staring at. She turned her head to catch a glimpse of his face. He was blank, too engrossed in his own thoughts to comprehend anything; to realise Izzie was lying next to him also.

"You know something about Derek and Meredith, don't you."

"No, why would you… No…"

Izzie looked at George slightly offended. "Do you think I'm stupid?"

"No… fine, yes, I saw them in his car leaving the house."

"Interesting…" Izzie pulled herself up and walked back to her room, thinking about what George had just told her.

* * *

"Seriously Derek. You didn't have to come pick me up. I could have made it to work just fine." Meredith briskly walked beside him as they walked into the hospital. 

"I didn't need to, but I wanted too…" They turned to face each other as they waited for the elevator.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "You've used that line already."

"But it's true. How else can I get you to realise I want to do things for you Meredith?"

"You've known for a day and you want to do things for me?" Meredith raised her eyebrow in disbelief as they stepped onto the metal box.

"Technically I've known you for a while now… the plane, remember?" Derek nodded at her all-knowingly.

Meredith rolled her eyes and laughed. "You're hopeless. But please no more favours. I don't want the other residents thinking I'm getting into extra surgeries because you're favouring me. I want them to know I've earned it."

"Can I still be your friend?"

"Derek. Seriously." They stepped off the elevator.

"Okay. But meet me at Joe's after your shift finishes?"

"Derek."

"Meredith." Derek teased cracking a smile.

"I can't" Meredith smiled apologetically and walked off in the other direction.

* * *

**A/N: **Hey guys. Hope you had a good Xmas. Just a short update from me sorry. Not having much luck writing. 

**FauxPoesFoes**- If Meredith really needs Claire; then Claire will come for her. But Meredith is trying to leave her old life behind so I'm not sure at the moment if Claire will come to Seattle… Gossip is the only thing that spreads faster than disease at Seattle Grace haha. Thanks for reviewing.

**chocolatetree-** Heya Sophie. Meredith is going to be careful about sharing anything about her past because she'd rather forget it. But yeah she might tell Derek some more. The song is "These Days"- Chantal Kreviazuk. The song is in the movie "Sisterhood of the Traveling pants". Trying to write more of Deciphering Me… hehe Thanks for reviewing.

**natzbadfairy-** hehe… Thanks for reviewing.

**tayababy- **Ah that's good there are no bushfires but sucks that it's hot. And it's a dry heat too? Like in NZ? In Japan it's really humid too. The weather is looking alright the past few days, drizzled a little on Xmas day. It's cloudy but warm… haha… Thanks for reviewing.

Happy Reading


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

_How can I ask love to hold the mystery  
__When just look at me  
__It's all push and pull collateral  
__I don't want to be the one who gets the next surprise  
__I'll plan it out this time  
__Though I used to think that things were meant to be_

Derek sat in his rather small office thinking about Meredith Grey. She had unwillingly entered his life and everything about her intrigued him. She wasn't like anyone else he had ever met. He didn't think he could feel like that for someone, but he knew she wouldn't consider a relationship with him, because of Jack. He knew little about him but Derek was sure Jack had destroyed Meredith's faith in all men. Plus Derek was Meredith's boss. Which made her even more so desirable. The element of "forbidden fruit". As he thought about everything more, he realised he probably wasn't ready for a relationship either. Meredith was nothing like Things had got so complicated with Addison he didn't want to move too fast. _Friends_ he concluded getting up to get a cup of coffee.

_So farewell to the old me  
__Farewell to the old me  
__My life is working better now  
__It's always changing anyhow_

_God. The secrets are killing me_. Meredith held her head in her hands as she sat next to the toilet after puking out all she had eaten that day.

She pulled herself up and washed her face in the sink catching a glimpse at herself in the mirror. She looked tired and she was. Lying was tiring but that's how it had to be. Maybe she would let Derek in. He knew her secret. Maybe he could help her get through it.

"Are you okay?"

Meredith turned around, faced with the person she was just thinking of. She couldn't quite decide whether it was a good thing or a bad thing he was there. He was just there.

"What are you doing here Derek?"

"I was looking for you."

"Why? Why are you always looking for me?" Meredith asked confused.

"Because you need a friend." Derek smiled gently.

"I don't need you Derek."

"I know you don't need me. But maybe we can be friends and share our stories over some tequila. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to flirt with you. Well I did, but I know better now. Neither of us are ready for a relationship and perhaps we're just destined to be friends. But I would really like to be friends."

He smiled anxiously waiting for her answer as she blankly stared at him.

_I danced a lot of nights until the grass was wet  
__It wasn't over yet  
__'Round 'bout 3 a. m. you made a friend  
__And I followed a lot of vital crazy thoughts  
__Because it's where the meaning was  
__And I tried to find it every other way_

"Okay." Meredith moved past Derek and walked out of the locker room.

"Okay…" Derek smiled, nodding, slightly confused and followed her out of thelocker room watching her walk away.

_So farewell to the old me  
__Farewell to the old me  
__My life is getting better now  
__But always changing anyhow_

Meredith rested against her locker after her shift finished feeling like a tonne of bricks had hit her.

"You look like crap" Cristina said throwing a pair of scrubs she had changed out of into her locker.

"Thanks." Meredith shot Cristina a sarcastic smile and hauled herself up opening her locker to get out her clothes.

"I need a drink…" she moaned.

"I'm in. Joe's?" Cristina asked sitting on the bench looking curiously at Meredith.

"Oh okay." Meredith answered surprised that Cristina had asked her out for a drink.

_But I can turn on the charm  
__Show them nothing more  
__Than what I've done before  
__It's nothing much new  
__But it'll do  
__'Cause I don't wanna be the one who makes you laugh out loud  
__I wanna make you proud  
__And you always said you knew what I could be_

They sat silently at the bar taking sips of their beers.

"I left Boston because I was being beaten by my husband."

"Seriously?" Cristina asked incredulously

"Why would I lie about something like that?"

"Just sounds like something out of a soap opera." Cristina shrugged.

"Yeah well…" Meredith sipped her beer looking straight ahead. "Screw this isn't strong enough. Joe can I have some tequila."

"I'm dating Burke."

"Dr. Preston Burke? Seriously?"

"Yeah well it was like sharing secret time or something…"

Meredith let out a chuckle and took another shot of tequila.

_So farewell to the old me  
__Farewell to the old me  
__Farewell to the old me  
__My life is working better now  
__But always changing anyhow  
__Time  
__And the old me  
__Farewell to the old me  
__Farewell..._

* * *

**A/N:** Alerts still down. Probably why I don't have many reviews. But IslandGurl90 has left me a lengthy review which I am very grateful for! If people are curious as to what my response below is about, check out her review :) 

**IslandGurl90- **Hello new reader! Sorry about the length of the chapters to start off with. Usually I just write a little then it feels appropriate to end a chapter there. Plus I get lazy… and it's the holidays! I think I have recently put that quote in my fic too…

I'm letting Derek pull back a bit because Meredith isn't ready for a relationship. And here you have found out that actually he isn't ready for a relationship either.

With Richard, I really haven't thought what role he plays in my fic. He's not really in my fics at all. I think Richard (in my fic) lost contact of Mer after her mother died and didn't know of the marriage. As for Ellis she died a few years ago, of what, I have not decided, perhaps Meredith will tell Derek when it's more secret sharing time.

Jake doesn't know where Meredith is at the moment. Claire is a tough shell to crack too but I think there will be plans for him in the future.

Chapter 11 answers a lot of those questions. The rest of the interns I haven't decided yet. Addie, Mark, Bailey- same boat as the rest of the interns.

Thanks for the long review! It's really awesome! And yes I guess I am a review whore! I will read your fic sometime… probably not tonight. It's 1:40am and I'm sitting here in the dark so my mum doesn't catch me.

Thanks again.

* * *

Happy Reading all. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

"Well look who just walked in." Cristina nodded towards the door as the bell attached jingled.

"I don't really care." Meredith mumbled picking at the beer nuts.

"Really? McDreamy is staring right at you. Correction, walking straight towards you."

"Who is McDreamy?" Meredith turned round to face Cristina and saw Derek walking towards them.

"Oh." Meredith turned back to face the bar.

"Is there something going on between you guys?" Cristina cocked and eyebrow swapping glances between the two.

"No. He's just a friend." Meredith took another shot of tequila.

"Right. Friends. Well he's here. I'm off." Cristina picked up her jacket and jumped off her stool.

"You can't leave me here!" Meredith looked shockingly at Cristina as she begun to leave.

"You're a big girl Meredith, plus, you said you're just friends…" Cristina smiled and walked out.

"Cristina!" Meredith's eyes widened with shock. "I am going to kill you" Meredith mumbled taking another shot.

"Talking to yourself is a sign of insanity you know." Derek slid in the seat that Cristina had vacated.

"Double scotch, single malt please Joe."

"You're insane" Meredith poked her tongue out and took another shot of tequila.

"Touché…" Derek took a sip of his scotch and tilted his head watching Meredith intently as she fiddled with the coasted in front of her.

"Quit staring at me." she said still not looking at him.

"I'm not staring at you." Derek smiled

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not"

"Yes you are"

"No I'm not"

"Yes"

"No"

"I need more tequila…"

They sat drinking their choice of poison in silence taking occasional glimpses at each other.

"I told Cristina and I think Jack is hassling my friend Claire."

Derek gave Meredith a sympathetic look and she expected some sort of comment out of him yet he stayed silent.

"I never thought things would get this out of hand. You know, he was kind, thoughtful, sexy and really good in bed…" Meredith took another shot and Derek looked on curiously and surprised that she admitted her husband was good in bed to basically her boss. _She's drunk again_ he concluded and sipped his scotch.

"He understood what it was like to be a doctor and my hours when I didn't think anyone would. And he was really good in bed…" Meredith groaned and slumped over the bar in defeat.

"What's wrong with me? I was a good wife too. I cleaned and cooked when I could. I was faithful. The only reason I couldn't be with him sometimes or I had to cancel plans was because I had a surgery or something. So? He did to. He was just being a hypocritical jerk. But I still loved him. I still love him despite what he was doing to me. I just couldn't be there anymore. Why didn't I see this coming?"

"I'm good in bed too you know." Derek grinned

Meredith groaned again and threw a beer nut at him.

"We can't predict the future you know Meredith and it's definitely not your fault. Sometimes these things happen and unfortunately you had to be one of the people that are victims. It's horrible for anyone to have to go through something like that and I can't imagine what you are going through. But you can always count on me to be there for you Mer."

Meredith smiled weakly. Surprisingly she had sobered up slightly and felt truly like she could let Derek be her friend.

* * *

**A/N**: I watched the Ellen Pompeo episode of punk'd… Don't know how to feel… The fork stuff was kind of vicious… apparently she did figure out she was being punk'd but her fiancée was just like you're not famous enough to be punk'd. Love her Boston accent though. She should use it in her interviews more hehe. 

And PD gets botox. That disturbs me a little, but then he's like 40… and sexy… so whatever.

**angdalton**- Hey you caught that… hmm… I don't want to give anything away though. Thanks for reviewing.

**chocolatetree- **Hey Sophie! Any interaction with MerDer is good stuff! I will write more in our fic… soon… after New Year's definitely! Thanks for reviewing.

**GreyRENThead- **All possibilities. I am going to reveal nothing! That and I'm not entirely sure how it's going to happen yet. Thanks for reviewing.

**Zappy92**- Hey Zappy! Thanks for reading. Mentioned in a previous chapter Addison and Derek are getting divorced. If she is going to be in this fic. I don't quite know yet! Thanks for reviewing.

**ER-Freaky- **Did I make you wait too long? hehe Thanks for reviewing.

**mrs. derek mcdreamy**- Updated! Thanks for reviewing.

**charliechikc- **Hallelujah is nice. Most of the songs I have included are nice. I try to make them good ones anyway! Thanks for reviewing!

Happy Reading


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

_Everyday I sit here waiting  
__Everyday just seems so long  
__And now I've had enough of all the hating  
__Do we even care, it's so unfair  
__Any day it'll all be over  
__Everyday there's nothing new  
__And now I just try to find some hope  
__To try and hold onto  
__But it starts again  
__It'll never end_

Meredith woke up with an arm firmly around her waist.

_Shit_ she had taken another inappropriate man home which happened frequently before she has married and if tequila was involved.

Meredith squeezed her eyes tightly and hesitated before turning around. She opened one eye and peeped out of it.

"Hi." Derek said as he saw her open her eye.

Meredith screamed and moved out of his hold.

"What. Are. You. Doing. Here?" Meredith asked eyes widened in shock standing a substantial distance away from the bed that Derek was currently in.

"You don't remember?" Derek grinned. "You were pretty amazing…"

Meredith took a step backwards and looked even more shocked. She placed a hand over her mouth.

_I'm heavily broken  
__And I don't know what to do  
__Can't you see that I'm choking?  
__And I can't even move  
__When there's nothing left to say  
__What can you do?  
__I'm heavily broken  
__And there's nothing I can do_

"With all that tequila" Derek finished grinning.

"We didn't…" Meredith gestured wildly between them.

Derek chuckled and raised an eyebrow.

"No. We didn't" He finished smiling at her reaction.

Meredith looked at him sceptically. Her eyes widened in shock again as she dashed to the toilet dry retching.

Derek rushed out of bed, following her. He stood at the doorway of her bathroom looking anxiously at Meredith.

"I'm fine." Meredith muttered sliding back into a sitting position.

_Almost giving up on trying  
__Almost heading for a fall  
__And now my mind is screaming out  
__I've gotta keep on fighting  
__But then again  
__It doesn't end_

"Meredith." Derek said sternly moving to sit on the edge of the bathtub beside her.

"You're not fine, are you?" He asked softly.

"I don't know anymore Derek. I think I'm pregnant." Meredith began to sob.

"Meredith, you've been drinking…"

"I know…" Meredith sobbed harder, her tears soaking Derek's top.

"Are you sure you're not just hung-over?"

Meredith shook her head. "I've been sick a bit, even if I wasn't drinking and I haven't had my period for over a month…"

_I'm heavily broken  
__And I don't know what to do  
__Can't you see that I'm choking?  
__And I can't even move  
__When there's nothing left to say  
__What can you do?  
__I'm heavily broken  
__And there's nothing I can do  
__And there's nothing I can do_

"Oh." Derek rested his head on the doorframe looking at Meredith understandingly. He didn't really know how to react. That was the good thing about being a man; he didn't have to worry about getting pregnant. He chuckled inwardly but was quickly bought back down to Earth at the sound of Meredith chuckling slightly.

"I don't know what to do Derek. I've screwed up so bad. I shouldn't be laughing. Really. It's not that funny. But I've just… "Meredith laughed eyes brimming with tears.

Derek cocked his head to the other side and smiled sympathetically.

"Come on Mer. I'll take you to the hospital and get you an ultrasound." Derek lifted Meredith up and guided her to the bedroom helping her get dressed.

"Thanks Derek." Meredith whispered as they entered his car.

"I don't want anyone to know though… I don't know what to do… Should I keep it? Should I tell Jack? I've been drinking…" Meredith slumped into the car seat, head in her hands.

_Feels like I'm drowning  
__I'm screaming for air  
__(Screaming for air)  
__Louder I'm crying  
__And you don't even care_

"Let's just get to the hospital first." Derek looked over at Meredith and patted her back lightly while simultaneously starting the engine of the car.

"Okay."

They drove down the increasingly familiar path to Seattle Grace watching the headlights of the cars flickering in the foggy morning. The radio blasted a vaguely familiar tune as Derek tried to hum along.

"Thank you Derek. I mean it. I know I've been hard on you and us… but I've just…" Meredith sighed. "It's just hard for me to trust people, well men, because of what Jack did."

"I'm not like Jack Mer…" Derek pulled up into his parking space at the hospital and turned of the engine. His hands lingered on the keys as he thought about what to say.

"I know it's hard for you to believe me Mer… but I'm not like him." Derek turned to look at Meredith smiling weakly.

"I…" Meredith tried to say something but the words wouldn't come out of her mouth.

_I'm heavily broken  
__And I don't know what to do  
__Can't you see that I'm choking?  
__And I can't even move  
__(What can I do?)  
__When there's nothing left to say  
__What can you do?  
__I'm heavily broken_

Derek pushed her silently, praying she would confide in him again. He inched a little closer to her and placed his hand over hers. Meredith moved in closer and felt his hot breathe against her cheek. Her lips lingered over his just a few centimetres apart. He moved a little closer almost closing the small space between them. Meredith turned her head and coughed a little. Derek moved back to his side of the car and finally pulled the keys out of the car.

"I'm sorry. I can't." Meredith whispered opening the door to let herself out.

Derek followed her suit and quickly walked up to stand next to her.

"Don't be sorry Meredith. It's no-ones fault and I understand."

"Thanks Derek."

"Okay. Let's get that ultrasound done huh?" Derek held out his arm and Meredith smiled lackadaisically linking her arm in his.

_I'm heavily broken  
__And I don't know what to do  
__Can't you see that I'm choking?  
__And I can't even move  
__When there's nothing left to say  
__What can you do?  
__I'm heavily broken_

* * *

**A/N:** Hey Babes. Hope your having a great 2007. Unfortunately I am not. I won't go into details but it's not looking like it's going to be a good year. I will pray tomorrow that this year will be better and pray also for someone that has passed away recently.

Sorry it has been a while since I last updates. I've been reading rather than updating my own… but here is an update… ::smiles sheepishly::

If anyone wants to name any of the songs I haven't named yet and gets them right I will be happy hehe.

**mrs. derek mcdreamy**- It's on youtube… search for it… Or on grey's-media you can download it too. Google some of those terms and I think something will show up. I'd link you… but this site doesn't like links I think… Her fiancé isn't hot I'd say… but maybe he has a nice personality. ::Shrugs:: Thanks for reviewing.

**GreyRENThead**- Maybe she was having a bad day? I feel really bad about feeling negative towards EP now… but I'm trying to block it out… I guess if someone hit on my boyfriend I'd be kinda mad too… Yeah… maybe she shouldn't have been drinking… ::shrugs and has look on face like Shonda on Oprah when Oprah was asking her about a wedding:: Thanks for reviewing.

**FauxPoesFoes**- Yeah my updates have been on the fritz as well…. Kind of sucks… Thanks for still reading and reviewing though.

**chocolatetree**- Hey Sophie. Sorry to hear about your uncle. MerDer are definitely friends… maybe that's all they will be? Wait and see… I had an alright New Years… got a little drunk… did some things that embarrassed me… how was your New Years? I think you told me, but I forgot now… Thanks for reviewing.

**ER-Freaky**- Sorry, didn't get an update before New Years, but I hope you had a good one anyways. We already know Derek is good in bed… hehe ::winks:P but we're going to have to wait and see if Derek is good in bed in my fic… hehe…Thanks for reviewing.

**Zappy92**- It's kind of long so I don't blame you for not remembering! It happens to me all the time when I read people's fics! I haven't said if Jack is going turn up or not and I'm not sure yet. Again, we're going to have to wait and see… Thanks for reviewing.

**Trey Rabb**- PD… I can't remember where I read it. I think it was on someone's blog and she saw it on Barbara Walter's or something… Thanks for reviewing.

**tayababy**- Is Mer pregnant? Did this chapter answer anything::shakes head and grins wickedly:: Thanks for reviewing.

Woaahhh, Long A/N… that's always the way it goes… Sorry.

Happy Reading.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

Meredith quickly pulled her arm out of Derek's once they reached the hospital doors and she realised how it would look.

Derek looked curiously at Meredith as she tried to look inconspicuous, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. She stole a quick glace at his confused face.

"I don't want people to get the wrong idea… I don't want them to think I'm dating my boss…" Meredith mumbled as they quickly walked through to an empty exam room.

"Okay." Derek didn't want to start an argument with Meredith now, so he just agreed with her.

Meredith looked around the bare room uncomfortably, shuffling her feet not really knowing what to do. Derek was calmly getting everything necessary for the examination while Meredith just felt nauseous. She didn't know if it was from the anticipation and fear or because of the other problem.

"Mer… hop up here and I'll do the exam for you."

"Okay…" Meredith unnervingly walked up to the table wringing her hands. She slowly hoisted herself up and lay back.

"I appreciate this Derek. I know it's out of your field…" Meredith mumbled looking up at the ceiling while Derek pulled up her top delicately.

"I think I still remember a few things from my residency…" Derek winked at Meredith while scooting in the seat closer to Meredith.

"Now this is going to be cold… not that I would know…" Derek shrugged and placed the probe on her stomach as Meredith lay back hand on her forehead, eyes closed.

Derek looked at the screen while slowly moving the probe around her stomach.

Meredith noticed that Derek had been silent for a while. She unwillingly looked up and saw Derek intently staring at the screen looking a mix better confused and concerned.

"What…" Meredith asked apprehensively.

"Well… You're not pregnant…" Derek muttered still looking at the screen.

"Seriously?" Meredith didn't know if she should be relieved or sad. She just lay back down.

"It looks like you have gallstones… and your pancreas is inflamed… which is more likely due to the gallstones because you have quite a few and one is partially obstructing the pancreatic duct…"

"Which is why I've been nauseous and vomiting… and some pain in the upper abdomen…" Meredith finished looking completely bewildered.

"I think you know what that means…" Derek smiled sympathetically and rubbed the gel off Meredith's stomach before pulling her shirt down.

"Well… if there are stones in the duct too… probably two procedures. An Endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography or ERCP to clear the obstruction of the duct followed by a cholecystectomy. That would be the best solution considering the gallstones are causing pain and also the pancreatitis in the patient, I mean me…" Meredith rubbed her eyes tiredly and swung her legs so they were dangling from the examination table.

"Very good Dr. Grey. I'd ask you to scrub in…" Derek grinned and noticed the overwhelming look Meredith had on her face. It was hard to comprehend. He couldn't quite tell if she was relieved or scared or what.

"Are you okay Meredith?"

Meredith snapped out of trance and stared blankly at Derek blinking a few times.

"I don't know. I mean I guess I am… I don't have to look after a child on my own or tell Jack…." Meredith smiled and looked pensively at Derek.

"I've always wanted kids. I used to dress up my dolls and put them in the pram and push them around. When I got married, we put it off because we were both interns; we couldn't look after ourselves let alone another person. Then the hitting started and he wanted a kid, but I couldn't… I agreed with him though, just so maybe he would be happy… but I was on the pill. He never knew, until he found out a couple weeks before I left him… He came home late after work one night and I'm not sure what happened… but he found them. He got pretty mad and hurt me a lot that night. He made sure he knew where I was at all times, so I took as many shifts as I could, he made sure I couldn't take any precautions either. He became so possessive. We only had sex once before I left. When I thought I was pregnant, I thought it couldn't be possible. But it only takes once. Now I'm not pregnant. I'm glad because I wouldn't want my child to have Jack as a father. But all the same I want a child one day."

Meredith wrung her hands a tear falling down her cheek.

"One day you will and you will be a great mother." Derek moved in closer and held the now sobbing Meredith.

"Meredith, it's okay to be sad. The baby would have been your's as well as Jack's. I'm sorry you had to go through that. You are a beautiful, intelligent woman and he was an idiot to have done what he did to you. He is a disgrace to human kind. He can't hurt you now, I promise."

Meredith's sobs subsided and she had somehow made it into Derek's lap and he was holding her. Her head nestled into the crook of his neck.

"Thank you" she whispered into his ear and slowly lifted her head up.

Without thinking Meredith crashed her lips into his. Derek was slightly shocked and took a while before he realised what was happening. He reciprocated the kiss and ran his hands down the side of her arms, stopping at the bottom of her shirt, fingering the edges. Her small palms cupped his face as she viciously attacked his lips. He continued to play with her shirt and lost all sense of reality. She quickly broke the kiss and murmured a few obscenities.

"I'm sorry…" Meredith said lips swollen and eyes clouded with confusion. She quickly moved away from Derek and walked away. She walked towards the door and placed her had on the door handle before hesitating.

She closed her eyes and shallowed feeling a wash of nausea overcome her. She bent over a little not letting the sharp jab of pain overtake her.

"Meredith, I'm not sorry for what just happened and neither should you. But we have more pressing issues to deal with right now. Come on, we'll get you a room."

"I know it's a lot of ask Derek, but will you be my surgeon?" Meredith asked nervously. Despite what had just happened, she still trusted Derek the most.

"Of course." Derek smiled and led Meredith out of the room.

"I need morphine." Meredith mumbled as they walked towards the nurses' station.

* * *

**A/N:** Woohoo for GA and their Golden Globe. This chapter's kind of similar to the show, but Mer doesn't have appendicitis! And circumstances are a little different.

**quintessenceofdust**- Meredith is not pregnant! I wouldn't write a fic where she is pregnant with someone else's baby! Not yet anyway! Thanks for reviewing!

**natzbadfairy**- Sorry it's been a while since I updates… spending my time reading fics… Thanks for reviewing!

**mrs. derek mcdreamy**- Sorry been a while I don't really know what we're talking about… ohhh EP getting punk'd? It's on a website called greys-media too, where you can download heaps of cool clips! Thanks for reviewing!

**MerDer4ver**- She's not pregnant, and it wouldn't be Derek's because they haven't slept together if she was. Thanks for reviewing!

**tayababy**- Ah yes they both deserve to be happy, but it's not a Grey's fic without some drama! Thanks for reviewing!

**chocolatetree- ** I'm not at fan of 2007 either… HOW WERE YOUR RESULTS!!! I failed short stories… and only got 3Es… Level 2 sucks… I did so much better in 5th form… New Year's… yeah I got a little tipsy… but I only had 3 pulse… Meredith didn't have a baby! Thanks for reviewing!


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

_Me and all my friends  
__We're all misunderstood  
__They say we stand for nothing and  
__There's no way we ever could_

"Dr. Grey, how are you feeling?" Derek asked walking into Meredith's room surrounded by a bunch of young interns and Cristina who was their resident.

"I'm super duper." Meredith smiled dopily.

"That's great." Derek smiled back amused.

"Who's presenting?" Derek asked looking through her chart.

"Um… Meredith Grey…" An intern spoke up. She cleared her throat nervously and continued. "31. Nausea and pain in upper abdomen consistent with gallstones. Gallstones have blocked the pancreatic duct which is the cause for the pancreatitis. Morphine given for the pain."

"And how should we proceed?"

_Now we see everything that's going wrong  
__With the world and those who lead it  
__We just feel like we don't have the means  
__To rise above and beat it_

"Um… a cholecystectomy to remove the gallbladder and Endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography during the cholecystectomy to unblock the pancreatic duct…"

"Try saying that ten-times fast... endoscopic retrogarbage cokelemonadepotato... can't even say it once!" Meredith giggled uncontrollably

"She's good. Reminds me of me… I was a good intern. Not so nervous. Don't be nervous. I won't be mad if you kill me." Meredith chuckled and winked at the even more anxious intern.

"Thank you Dr. Grey…"

"Call me Meredith. I think you've earned that right…" Meredith slurred winking at Derek this time.

Derek cleared his throat as the bunch of interns looked suspiciously at one another.

"Thank you Dr. Grey. Dr. Thom, schedule the procedure. You're scrubbing in."

_So we keep waiting  
__Waiting on the world to change  
__We keep on waiting  
__Waiting on the world to change_

Derek handed the chart to the intern before leaving the room.

"Byeeee Dr. Shephhherrrd" Meredith called after Derek.

"He's a cutie" Meredith said to the intern assigned to her case, Dr. Thom scrunching her nose.

"And you are a good intern and I mean it when I mean I won't be mad if you kill me… it's not like I have much to live for anyway…" she flung her hands up carelessly in the air.

"That's nice Dr. Grey… I'll um try not to kill you…" the nervous intern stuttered.

"That's good… call me Mererereredith, I mean Meredith." she nodded knowingly.

_It's hard to beat the system  
__When we're standing at a distance  
__So we keep waiting  
__Waiting on the world to change_

"Okay, Meredith. My name's Sam."

"Okay. Sam. Have you ever found someone insanely hot, and wanted him a lot. I mean a lot, a lot but you know it's so totally wrong. Like really wrong. I mean really really wronggggg… "Meredith looked a little confused and was staring intently at something.

"Meredith, are you okay?" Sam asked waving a hand in front of her to break her trance.

"There's a bug on the wall… I think it's waving… Hi little buggy…" Meredith waved at the spot on the wall.

"Okay Meredith… I'm just going to take your vitals and prep you for surgery.

"Super… what was I saying before?" Meredith suddenly remembered saying something about how something was wrong.

_Now if we had the power  
__To bring our neighbours home from war  
__They would have never missed a Christmas  
__No more ribbons on their door  
__And when you trust your television  
__What you get is what you got  
__Cause when they own the information, oh  
__They can bend it all they want_

"About someone you find hot but can't date?" Sam nervously checked her notebook for what to do next to prep Meredith for surgery.

"I think you're supposed to jab that in me to get some blood" Meredith scrunched up her nose and pointed to the syringe.

"Oh right…"

"Ouuchhiieessss" Meredith winced as Sam inserted the needle into her arm.

"Sorry." The intern blushed and looked extremely flustered.

"That is okay. Perfectly fine... I was telling you a story anyways. You try that vein there. It's a juicy one" Meredith pointed at her arm.

"Okay, well there's a guy and I like him a lot. But there's a lot of stuff that is wrong… But I like him and it could be something spectacular and the sex with this guy looks like it would be fantastic. But I don't know. There you go, you got it." Meredith exclaimed as the intern finally drew some blood from her.

_That's why we're waiting  
__Waiting on the world to change  
__We keep on waiting  
__Waiting on the world to change_

"Dr. Grey…"

"Meredith." Meredith insisted.

"Give it a shot. But tell him what you feel and what he may be getting into before you start a relationship." Sam shrugged her shoulders.

"You can only try." Sam said as she left the room.

"You're a very smart intern." Meredith yelled as she left.

_It's not that we don't care,  
__We just know that the fight ain't fair  
__So we keep on waiting  
__Waiting on the world to change_

Meredith was being wheeled into the OR when she saw Cristina walked briskly past.

"Cristina. Cristina!" Meredith yelled

"Meredith." Cristina acknowledged her and walked up to the moving bed.

"How are you?" Meredith said as if they were just sitting in the locker room.

"Um. I'm fine Meredith. How are you?"

"I'm super. You know. After I have this silly little operation, we should go to Joe's and get drunk." Meredith nodded.

"Okay… Good Luck with your surgery…" Cristina gave her a quick smile before walking off.

"She's a tough, crazy one…" Meredith said to Sam who was wheeling her.

_And we're still waiting  
__Waiting on the world to change  
__We keep on waiting  
__Waiting on the world to change  
__One day our generation  
__Is gonna rule the population  
__So we keep on waiting  
__Waiting on the world to change_

"Meredith. How are you feeling?" Derek asked as he entered the OR.

"I'm great… Listen Derek we gotta talk later okay?" Meredith slurred.

"Okay." Derek nodded and smiled beneath his mask.

"Try not to kill me. I understand if an intern kills me but I won't be so understanding if you do…"

"Okay, I'll try. I'll always be here for you Mer." Derek whispered in Meredith's ear.

"Alright, now just count back from 10…" Derek signalled for the anaesthesiologist

"10, 8… oh wait it's 9…" Meredith giggled before going under.

"Alright people, it's a beautiful day. Let's save some lives…"

"Scalpel." Derek took a moment just to look at Meredith. She was really beautiful and couldn't understand why anyone would hurt her.

_We keep on waiting  
__Waiting on the world to change_

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry I haven't updated lately. I've been really busy with school work and extra-curricular activities... I haven't done personalised comments this time because I'm really sleepy and I just want to update all my fics tonight... Will try do some personalised stuff soon.

Leave a review and I'll be happy...

Happy Reading.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

"How are you feeling Meredith?" Derek walked into Meredith's room later that night.

"Mortified." Meredith groaned after hearing what she had said while on morphine.

"I hear you were quite the entertainer." Derek opened up Meredith's chart while keeping one eye on the very embarrassed Meredith.

"Kill me now…" Meredith whimpered crawling under her sheets.

Derek let out a chuckle and sat down on the end of her bed.

"Meredith. We need to talk…" Derek said softly but seriously.

Meredith let out a small groan and closed her eyes. She reluctantly sneaked out from under the covers and smiled weakly at Derek. He was right, they needed to talk.

"Yeah, I know…" Meredith nervously nibbled her bottom lip.

"Meredith. That kiss… What does it mean?"

"Boy straight into the million dollar questions…" Meredith sighed and ran a hand carelessly through her hair.

Meredith knew she couldn't get into a relationship with Derek. She couldn't let herself get into the same situation. Derek was just like Jack was. Charming, handsome, knew what to say. How did she know that Derek wouldn't hurt her?

A tear slipped down her face as she remained silent, unable to think of something to say. All she saw in front of her was Derek's face. Derek's confused but calming face. His eyes locked onto hers as he searched for the answer to his question. Meredith shifted her eyes sighing again. She couldn't take the chance. She couldn't fall for another man so soon. She couldn't be hurt again.

"It was a mistake Derek." she finally murmured battling the side of her that wanted so much to just give in.

"Meredith…" Derek's voice pleaded with her.

"Meredith. I'm crazy about you and I've never felt this way about anyone before. I know you're hurting, I know you have trust issues. But I would never hurt you. I'll always be here for you and I'll always make time for you. Meredith I've only kissed you once and I think, no, I know I'm falling for you. I know you feel the same. Please Meredith." Derek looked into Meredith's eyes again. Meredith was speechless. Her head was spinning and she felt as though she was floating. Meredith looked aimlessly upwards trying to soak everything Derek had said and trying so hard not to let her tears spill.

She looked at Derek again, his face still imprinted with confusion, infatuation but also pressing for an answer from Meredith. He tilted his head slightly and smiled. Derek suddenly became hazy as the tears began to unwillingly fall from her eyes.

"Derek…" Meredith's started her mouth open but nothing coming out.

"I…" Meredith scrunched up her brow and pushed herself to say what she needed to say.

"I can't Derek." she finally whispered too scared to look at Derek's reaction.

"Meredith…"

_He is so persistent_. She thought clutching the sheets closer to her chest.

"Why Derek? I'm broken. I'm used property. I'm not as pretty as some of the other people in this hospital. I have so many problems, some that I haven't even told you. Why do you want me?"

"I wish I could give you that answer Meredith. But I don't know. I just knew the moment I saw you on the plane… I just wanted to help you. I want to help you heal. You are the most beautiful women I am met. Physically you are stunning. And at risk of sounding like a stalker, I am fascinated by you. The way you walk, talk, operate, drink… you are amazing. And your personality is incredible. Despite what problems you claim to have I still can see that you are intelligent, compassionate, and funny. You're past doesn't worry me; all I want to be is your future. I know this sounds stupid because we've only known each other for a month. But I am falling for you Meredith. I have never felt this intense in all my life."

Derek finished slightly out of breathe and finally glanced up at Meredith who was utterly speechless. Meredith was obviously attracted to him and she really felt she could trust Derek as a friend. But she didn't know if she could handle it if Derek hurt her.

"Derek, I can't take the risk. Not again… I'm sorry Derek. I really like you. I could even love you. But I can't…"

Meredith saw his face fall and he stood up from Meredith's bed and walked towards the door. Meredith couldn't look at him. Derek turned around and took a last look at Meredith.

"I'm not going to give up Mer…" he said before leaving her room.

Meredith shuffled down into the bed and held the sheets close to her body. She lay on her back staring at the ceiling wondering what she had got herself into.

* * *

**A/N: **Hello again! Thanks for reading and reviewing! (More reviews faster updates :):P) This chapter: Meredith wants Derek. Meredith likes Derek. Derek LIKESSS Meredith but Meredith has been hurt A LOT. She doesn't want to put herself in that situation again, she vowed never to let a guy to that to her. In the next chapter you'll see why she really doesn't want to get in another relationship.

Happy reading!

**mrs. derek mcdreamy**- I love her Boston accent! I think it's really cute! But it wouldn't suit Grey's haha! Yes I don't think she should be pregnant… I use the pregnant storyline farrr too much and I'm getting angry at myself! Thanks for reviewing!

**Zappy92**- Meredith on morphine on the show was hilarious too! Thanks for reviewing!

**Endzi**- I have a few more chapters written, so I'll try to update soon. Next few weeks I'll try update more because when school starts again, I won't have much time to. Thanks for reviewing!

**LittleMissKnowItAllTalksToM... **Aw thanks for reading! Hope you keep reading too :) Thanks for reviewing!


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

_She don't run from the sun no more  
__She boxed her shadow and she won  
__Said I can see you laugh  
__Through these bottle caps  
__And this wire around my neck ain't  
__There for fun_

"I think I'm falling for him…" Meredith mumbled mouthful of salad that Cristina had bought for her as Meredith had claimed that hospital food was indeed crap.

"Who? McDreamy?" Cristina looked up from her magazine finding that spending her breaks in Meredith's room was actually calmer than spending it in the hospital cafeteria where all she heard these days was gossip. Gossip from the interns and nurses about how "high" Meredith said something about how grateful she was for "everything Dr. Shepherd had done for her."

"Yeah… wait how did you know?" Meredith asked.

Cristina rolled her eyes.

_But someday we'll all be old  
__And I'll be so damn beautiful  
__Meanwhile I'll hide my head  
__Here in this paper bag  
__Cause if I can't see you  
__Then you can't see me  
__And it'll be okay  
__Fly little bee away  
__To where there's no more rain  
__And I can be me_

"Meredith, everyone can see he has the hots for you. Besides the only thing that spreads faster than disease here is gossip. You should watch what you say when you're on morphine."

"Shit." Meredith cursed and flopped down on the bed holding her fork up as if it were a little white flag.

"What are you afraid of Meredith?" Cristina genuinely asked.

Meredith sighed and hauled herself up into a sitting position. She sat mulling over Cristina's questions flicking around the pieces of green food in front of her. She chucked her fork at the salad knowing she couldn't eat with everything on her mind and once again flopped back onto the bed.

"Meredith…" Cristina pressed getting slightly agitated by Meredith's silence.

"What if he's like Jack?"

_Yeah they talk about her  
__She smiles like she's so tough  
__She says  
__"Hey can you talk a little louder,  
__I don't think my heart is broken enough"_

"Who's Jack? Oh the ex?" Cristina now looked slightly more interested as Meredith's dark and twisty past came out.

"Yeah." Meredith said softly staring at the white tiles placed mathematically, methodically along the ceiling.

"Meredith. You like Derek and he likes you. Some things you just have to take on faith. You can't let Jack rule your life anymore. Isn't that what you got away from?"

"Yeah but he's also my boss. This is wrong on so many levels…"

"So? I'm dating my boss. Is it affecting how I am at my job? Is he favouring me? No! The only downside is when we fight… or someone falls asleep during sex and so then you're purposely not chosen for his surgeries even though you totally deserved it…" Cristina muttered angrily to herself.

_But someday we'll all be old  
__And I'll be so damn beautiful_

"I don't know…" Meredith sighed once again and rubbed her face tiredly. This topic on her mind was worse for her psyche than the 48 hour shifts she used to do as an intern.

"Okay. Well do you like him?" Cristina asked obviously getting impatient with Meredith's indecisiveness.

"Yeah…" Meredith started.

"Good well talk to him or something." Cristina interrupted before returning to the magazine.

"But…"

"No buts." Cristina held her hand up.

"That was enough of me being supportive today. I gave you my advice and personally I think it was excellent advice and either you take it or not."

"Fine." Meredith muttered.

_Meanwhile I'll hide my head  
__Here in this paper bag  
__Cause if I can't see you  
__Then you can't see me  
__And it'll be okay  
__Fly little bee away  
__To where there's no more rain  
__And I can be me_

"Okay." Meredith once again pulled herself up after a few moments of silence.

"Okay what?" Cristina asked now obviously tuned out and still pretending to read the magazine.

"I'll do it. I'll talk to Derek. Properly. Like I'll tell him what happened seriously, as sober Meredith and then see if he still wants to be with me…"

As fate would have it, Derek walked into her room. Standing at the doorway not really sure how to react.

"Can I sit?" Derek asked anxiously gesturing at the free seat on the other side of Meredith.

"Yeah." Meredith replied playing with salad some more.

"Well I'm going to leave for no reason what so ever…" Cristina mumbled.

_Some days I wade in the indigo  
__Singing that song on the radio_

_I blame these puddles on the rain  
__You know I gotta keep these cheeks dry today  
__Gotta keep my cheating strategy  
__And baby I'm gonna have it made._

"I…"

"I…" They both began stuttering nervously.

"I'm sorry, you first."

Meredith smiled back gratefully. She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and took a deep breath.

"I like you Derek." she confessed as Derek tried to stop the smile forming on his lips.

"But I'm complicated. I'm dark and twisty. I have so much baggage. I'm broken and I've been broken for a long time." Meredith hung her head down almost ashamed of her past.

_But someday we'll all be old  
__And I'll be so damn beautiful_

"Jack…" Meredith took another deep breath and winced inwardly. Saying his name still hurt her. She finally pushed her mangled salad to one side and

"Jack hurt me and I don't trust many people anymore…"

"Meredith. I hate what he did to you and I wish you had never met him. I'm different..." Derek assured her.

"Derek, I've never told anyone this. But Jack… he didn't just hit me… "Meredith sighed yet again.

_So I'll hide my head  
__Here in this paper bag  
__Cause if I can't see you  
__Then you can't see me  
__And it'll be okay  
__Fly little bee away  
__To where there's no more rain  
__And I can be me._

"I... I was pregnant. No more than 2 months along. Jack didn't know. I kept it from him because I was going to leave him soon anyway. I decided I had to leave him. It wasn't safe. My baby and I weren't safe. He amazingly had kept his hands off me for the 2 months but I guess he had a hard day at work or something. He got violent and I fell down the stairs… The baby... didn't survive. For a long time I blamed myself but I know now he… he killed my baby."

"Meredith…" Derek whispered in shock as Meredith looked up at him with tears spilling down her cheeks. She began to cry silently, then loud, uncontrollable sobs. Derek could tell she had never properly grieved over the loss of her child. She had probably repressed it and gone back to living with Jack for some time until she plucked up the courage to come to Seattle.

Derek held her as she cried.

* * *

**A/N**: Gag me. I used the pregnant line…

So I said more reviews quicker updates. I didn't update quickly sorry, but then I didn't get tonnnnesss of reviews… so truce? School and just in general been really busy. Just hold on! I'll update and write when I can sorry! Thanks for reading, reviewing and for your patience.

**mrs. derek mcdreamy**- Updated. Not soon, but I did it eventually!... Thanks for the review nevertheless.

**Queen Satan**- Men are stupid. I don't trust men! Well… I just… sigh Yep… But I'm hoping Meredith will trust Derek in my fic… Thanks for reviewing.

**dark-an-twisted**- Sorry! I didn't really update soon… Thanks for reviewing though!

**shell36799**- I'm glad you like it. Thanks for reviewing.

Happy Reading.


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